Life is made up of ups and downs, disagreements and compromises. At some point, you will likely find yourself in an argument or heated debate with someone, whether it’s a family member, your partner, a neighbor, or a co-worker.
How can we learn to agree to disagree? It’s not an easy art to perfect, so we are sharing some simple tips on how to keep your heated conversations on the kind-side and avoid a meltdown.
1. Breathe & Ask
Remember the saying, “Take ten deep breaths before speaking your mind”? It is unbelievably true when it comes to a heated discussion. When we breathe deeply, studies have shown that this act lowers blood pressure and increases feelings of calm. Then, ask yourself, what is my goal in having this argument? What is my ultimate desire for the outcome? What do I need?
2. Avoid Put-Downs & Swear Words
We know! Using a “bad” word when you are upset somehow seems to make you feel better or more validated, but really, it’s not cool. The person you are talking to will likely only become more inflamed, and swear words encourage negativity. No put-downs, period. When we trigger others, it never helps the situation. Plus, what you say can never be taken back. Avoid things like, “You are so ridiculous,” “You sound just like your crazy brother,” or “I can’t believe I married you!”
3. Raincheck
No one hears anything if emotions are high, heated, or the argument has become too much. This is a time for one of you to step in and say, “Let’s take a raincheck and revisit this later when our emotions and anger are not so high.” It doesn’t mean you are giving in, it’s just better to come back to the topic when both of you are calmer.
4. Agree
This one can be tricky, but since the goal of the argument is to move closer to the truth, it’s not a sign of weakness to agree with at least one thing the other person is saying. Find a way to validate one of their points and tell them. For example, say something like, “I can see how you might feel that way” or “Tell me more of what you mean.” An understanding tone can help move the conversation forward.
5. Don’t Interrupt
When someone is speaking and sharing their thoughts, try your best not to interrupt, even if you feel the urge to correct or interject. Let them finish what they are saying and then speak. By cutting someone off, you are basically saying that what they are saying is not valid, and it conveys that your thoughts and beliefs are more important.
6. Say Thanks
After an argument, it’s a great time to acknowledge the other person and say thank you for taking the time to hear your perspective. If something was said that was not nice, you can share with them that you apologize if you hurt their feelings. This conversation doesn’t have to reignite the argument, rather, it’s a time to say, “I appreciate you and your attention to the matter.”
