If you see a chance to be kind to someone tomorrow, take it.
Brad Pitt, Golden Globes 2020
Swoon, how much do I love him AND how much do I wholeheartedly agree!
And yet, I’m guessing 99.9% of those who took Brad up on his advice didn’t take it to heart in the most vital way; by showing any of that kindness to the most important person in their lives…themselves.
And that is problem.
While self-care has gratefully gotten more popular, being kind to yourself is looked upon as indulgent, even antagonistic to success; i.e., if you aren’t hard on yourself, you won’t strive to be better.
But as a coach working with people on removing the blocks that keep them from happiness and success, I’m disheartened by some of the horrible things I hear people say to “inspire” themselves: “I’m the worst”, “if I wasn’t so lazy”, “everyone else is better”…
Are these encouraging words? Would you say these things to a child and expect them to thrive?
Obviously not.
So why should this inspire you?
Instead, being kind to yourself will better help you achieve goals because, with kindness, you feel stronger and more inspired.
And yet, quitting beat-up behavior is challenging; we get pretty skilled at it over time. Gratefully, there is a trick to showing your fear-brain that you are unequivocally someone to be kinder to…and it’s called FACT!
When we confront fear-fueled negative self-talk with proof of our success, it’s easier to see that it’s just (MADE-UP) anxiety that keeps us stuck in our narrative of failure. With facts, we can say we’ve achieved before and feel we can do it again.
Here’s how…
Recognize Accomplishments Past & Present
Past
Think back to times when you had a win, big or small: graduating school, receiving an honor, getting promoted, completing a project, or even putting yourself on a dating site or going on a blind date.
Whatever your wins, write them down and lean in. I mean literally refer back to the list when you start unleashing that unkind monologue upon yourself.
This list will help you snuff out the flames of your fears and allow you to re-connect to your best self; setting yourself up for success.
Present
Just like looking back at past achievements, confront your brain’s completely made-up supposition that you aren’t someone to be kind to by highlighting wins daily.
Did you take the stairs? Did you support a friend in need? Did you meet a deadline?
This may be a struggle. Our brains are more comfortable and practiced at seeing problems and missteps. So, like the past accomplishments, be sure to write down daily wins and refer back when you stumble into self-doubt.
With these 2 practical tips for achieving the most essential kindness – that which you show to yourself – you will turn Brad Pitt’s words into a truly life changing mandate.
Connect with Betsy Rosenfeld
